The wilderness

A few weeks ago I had one of those moments when a Bible passage literally jumps off the page and hits you in the face. I was reading a Grove booklet about evangelism when this passage from Deuteronomy hit me:

Remember the long way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness in order to humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commandments... Therefore keep the commandments of the LORD your God, by walking in his ways and by fearing him. For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land... (Deuteronomy 8:2, 6-7)

One of the interesting things is that I have used the word 'wilderness' several times over the last few months to describe my state of confusion, lack of direction, not knowing which way God wanted me to go. I hadn't connected this word with the Israelites' forty year journey to the promised land, however. It occurs to me that perhaps God is deliberately withholding information from me in order that I learn some tough lessons. A wise friend pointed out to me recently that Jesus never suggested that life as a Christian would be easy - quite the opposite, in fact.

The hardest thing for me is my desire to be productive and purposeful, to find a clear direction for my life, particularly bearing in mind that I turn 30 this summer. Many people have pointed out to me that a woman is often at her most confident and happy in her 30s. However, most people would expect a woman of 30 to be on some kind of career path (either that or busy having babies!). Limbo is not easy. But then I suppose the idea that I am in limbo presupposes that the purpose of life is to be productive. If our purpose in life is to worship God, then we can do that just as well when we are "between jobs"!